CIRC Blog

1^st QUESTION: As a Godly Christian wife/husband, what is your first-year newlywed experience like in marriage, and how do you peacefully work around your differences without divorce?

First Answer: The first year of marriage is a huge learning experience and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all. We made every effort to pray together and for each other. We shared and discussed Scripture and how it applied to us as a couple and as individuals. Yes, we had differences. Some of those differences came out of nowhere. I used an expression I had used all of my life, “Six of one, half a dozen of the other.” My wife stopped dead in her tracks, turned and said, “Don’t ever say that again in front of me.” I couldn’t imagine why. I just knew from the tone of her voice she had a good reason. It turns out the expression brought back memories of a bad childhood experience. I wanted to share this to say take time to listen not just to the words, but also the tone and emotion. It may not be the best time to address it. Come back to it after emotions have settled and discuss it. Sometimes we learned about the dislikes and likes that both of us did not share. Out of respect we learned to compromise. If our conversations began to get heated it was okay for one or both of us to go or a walk, go to another part of the house or some other way to detach from the conversation until we had cooled off a bit. We never “kept score.” We didn’t come back to past issues that had been resolved. We stayed in the present. As for working around divorce, that was never something we had to do. Both of us had seen the effect of divorce on family and friends. We took our marriage vows as promises made to each other and to God. He is the “head of the household” and our lives. In December we will celebrate 38 years of marriage that have survived two children, over 20 years of military service and countless challenges. The best advice to any married couple is to let God’s Word have the final say on ANY matter. Answered by C.T

Second Answer: It’s been many years since I was a newlywed but I remember that my expectations were not my reality, once I realized that what I had envisioned was not realistic then things became much easier to deal with. I was trying too hard to create this perfect marriage and not able to enjoy and appreciate the marriage God had given me! I would say to focus on the positives about one another and try to make light about the little things that tend to drive you crazy. Talk about what annoys you but in a non-judgmental way and hopefully each of you can learn to make changes to please the other. Just basically, learn to laugh about your differences rather than resent them. Praying for your marriage to be strong and beautiful for many years to come! Answered by Polly H

Third Answer: Prayer and reading the word together. Both people have to give and that can be difficult if they are strong personalities, which me and my husband both are. The more we pray together and get in the word together, the happier we are, and God brings us closer together. Answered by Leigh B

2^nd QUESTION – How can couples bridge the gap differences in their marriage?

Well, we all have our differences. once you are married reality of your differences will be obvious to your spouse. But there are ways to bridge the gap differences tend to bring in marriage. Once couples accept the fact that they both have their differences, then be ready to make your spouse your best friend and build a relationship that will endure through your life with your spouse. Friends will come and go. Relationships will change. distance stresses old friendships. But your spouse will be with you for the rest of your life regardless of your imperfections.

• Communication is another vital component in bridging gaps in marriage. lack of communication creates conflict in marriage. When you are not communicating about both your likes and dislikes, you are heading for trouble. Open and honest communication will build mutual bonds in your marriage.

• Eradicate criticism and comparison as fast as possible, criticizing your spouse weaknesses in an area of your strength can be tempting, please avoid it and do not compare your spouse weaknesses with your strength.

• Make effort to keep private life private and pray together daily. The more you get closer to God in prayer the more a husband and wife get closer to one another.

• Above all, Honor God in your marriage.  building a home together with your spouse that will make your individual differences invisible is impossible without honoring God. Obey Him and DO NOT ignore the principles of God in the BIBLE. As you obey His principles, it will be easier for you to honor your spouse and watch the unpleasant drama that comes with your differences vanish.

Article by Tmine

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